Back at it!

Yesterday, I couldn't stop thinking about the team, the logo, etc. I am not an amazing artist - so these are my doodles.

Initially, I thought a heart with a crack down the middle - one side purple, one green....and I was trying to make a team name...but then a DIFFERENT name it me "Race 2 Rise." Sometimes, racing is the medicine you need to RISE! To overcome. To get confident again. To know you CAN. To truly know you can do hard things :D

My logo: The left is the green ribbon for mental health. The right is the purple ribbon for domestic violence. Yellow and BLUE make Green. Red and BLUE make  Purple. Out of the ribbons (maybe somehow shaped like "R"s for Race 2 Rise) rises a (royal) BLUE phoenix (shaped like a "2") with silver flecks in her feathers, a sparkling green eye, and a purple beak.  In Ghanaian culture, there is a creature that looks to the past with the future held in the beak - so the phoenix is looking to the left....well, I just looked it up - it's looking right, but...meh - thought that counts https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sankofa

SO - this being said, I got excited to start working out again...after a treacherous 0.57 mile walk/tug - o - war with a puppy (almost 10 months) I took off on my own. Not huge miles by any sense of the imagination - but I think I PRd, and it felt good....aside from my lungs burning a pinch :D (No, I'm not sick...just...like, exercise induced asthma or something, idk...). It felt so good to be out again! I NEVER thought I'd be THAT girl. *insert LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY emoji and hiding behind my hands* I LOVE running at night. Uhh, it's the best thing - listening to my jams, not able to hear myself panting loudly so I don't die, the coolness of the air, the peacefulness of the streets! So awesome. So, so awesome :D

Random plug - I run in Brooks Ghost https://www.brooksrunning.com/, men's because I have wide feet and they fit nicely. My hiking/OCR shoes are Saucony Peregrine https://www.saucony.com/ again - men's. I also have my shoes one size bigger than my everyday shoes.

BTW  - Check out "Dear Evan Hansen" - I love it so much!

Sparkle on.

Getting Real

So, I woke up and was thinking  - "A dangerous past time..I know" - and something came to me! Well, I kept it to myself, then I watched this ever-so-spot on video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDPDEKtd2yM

This guy hit so many nails straight on their little heads.  Then - it hit me - I need to create a team! A team that proudly wears purple for domestic violence awareness and prevention as well as green for mental health awareness. Ba BOOM! Unite the two causes that are near and dear to my heart with racing!  Now - the planning of it all - uniforms, media, planning which races to attend, training, etc.

Now - the why. Ugh...time to get moderately vulnerable without writing a novel.  Thing is - this is my year. I thought 2015 was "The Year of Amanda" - but, it's really 2020. Heck, it'll probably be 2021 and so on.  I recently had a friend who had some life things happen and he declared it his year - but here's the thing...YES, you can define the parameters of your year - but "YoA" wasn't started to take advantage of, manipulate, or be mean to others. YoA - or whatever yours is - is to EMPOWER YOU - not steal joy from others. Just remember that, please?

My scoop in a nutshell - I'll be 41 in May. True story. I have battled anxiety and depression, been told by other unhealthy people I could be bipolar - but all things I've been working through.  I've had the panic attacks where you can't breathe, I've had the overwhelming emotion where I just needed to escape the building I was in, I've had the heaviness of the world on my shoulders. I've been in counseling...aka therapy, I suppose, for a pinch more than a year.  My life hasn't been as hard as some, but hasn't been a cake walk. Fortunately, my rockin' professional has walked me through so much that has happened and I stand/sit before you with a HUGE appreciation of the profession. I've lived the "you're not good enough, you can't do anything right, why did you even get out of bed this morning" life. There's been physical abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse....

Take this on for size - you stubbed your toe on the bed. Your toe healed, right? How did that affect your behavior? Which had the lasting impact? So often, we talk about physical - but the physical heals. Our body involuntarily heals itself. Our mind - sometimes we breeze through things and we don't deal with them - maybe we don't know how. Maybe it's all too painful...maybe it's everything. No wonder it can feel like suffocating and the desire for freedom is so intense, and we want it so badly, it seems hopeless...

Heck, I wanted to be a school counselor to be able to get to the kiddos who were going through stuff and needed an adult friend/advocate to help them through their stuff.  We don't talk about mental health in aPpRoPrIaTe ways enough. We talk about disorders and labels, but we LABEL. We still look down upon things. Though it's lessening, there is still a stigma.

Recently, I watched "Dear Evan Hansen." REMARKABLE in so many ways. C'mon, people! No one should feel like their "Waving Through a Window." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfnMvo87fQU

We're currently in the midst of a pandemic - it's not COVID-19. EVERYone is talking about that. If mental health and domestic violence were spoken about as much as politics and the coronavirus, we'd be living in a safer world. I don't mean free from Robocop types of violence, I mean safe in our vulnerability. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en Safe to be us. Safe to freaking screw up and know we're going to still be loved.

I've watched some of my best friends and family members COMPLETELY self destruct because they didn't know how to confront the demons they carried - I understand it can feel suffocating and beyond manageable. In the TED talk, this hit me - something along these lines, "Are you really done living, or are you done feeling that way?"

I will be uniting my passions  - a lime green and purple team that TALKS! Because, frankly, sometimes that's all we need. Love!

Live Loved, my friends https://www.amazon.com/Uninvited-Living-Loved-When-Lonely-ebook/dp/B01864DVG6

Sparkle on.

Post Ragnar Spiritual Reflections

Before the race, we had to guesstimate our pace...I reported my pace. My captain calculated my exchanges a minutes LESS! I text her, especially after the accident (I wasn't able to train as intensely as I had planned) that I was almost positive I was going to be slower.. . I text her sometime before we started and said I felt my first leg was going to be longer.. By, like..30 minutes! She had confidence I'd be fine, even suggested I'd go faster.

Leg 1, very hard, 550 elevation, 8.7 miles.... Finished EXACTLY when she predicted, 19 seconds/mile under the pace SHE listed...1:19/mile less than what *I* listed.

Leg 2, easy, 4.4 miles, finished early, 1:10/mile less than what she listed, 2:10/mile less than what I thought I could so.

Leg 3, moderate, 4.3 miles, 1 mile left, (just after we'd exchanged texts) had to call and clarify where to go..my map wouldn't load..i lost a few minutes there...and my right knee decided it was done... it's the one that got hit in the accident....I limped my last mile.....I paused, half knelt, cried, and said a prayer out loud.I stood up and hobbled the last .8ish miles. I finished..I'd just finished my ENTIRE contribution, though the worst I'd done the whole time cuz of my dumb knee....

I cried..I looked at my time....0:16/mile seconds UNDER my predicted time.

Overall, my average pace was 0:35 seconds LESS than my captain put... And 1:35 less than what I put.

Sometimes we need the push in the right direction because we underestimate ourselves. Sometimes, it seems impossible. The challenge isn't something we would desire or even consider doing in our WILDEST dreams (do i LIKE running!?!?!?) sometimes we need to get uncomfortable to see what we're made of... So WE can know we're capable of more. Of doing better. It might be downright scary. It might seem downright impossible. Through people believing in us, we don't lower the bar on ourselves and achieve *our* impossible. 17.52 miles under a 13 minute pace... Even the Celestial Kingdom. 

Don't sell yourself short. You can do hard things when you run with Christ.

A ps to my testimony: leave who you are at the start line so you can finish as you are to become.

Sparkle on.

2020 Ragnar Del Sol THE RACE

So - if you don't know what the Ragnar is - it's basically a million hour relay race. Not really - I exaggerate, though it feels like a million hours in the moment. For us - we ran from Wickenberg, AZ to Mesa, AZ. About 200ish miles.  We had 2 vans of 6 and would take turns sleeping, eating, etc. and we ran varying distances and such. One of the cool things you get to do is decorate your van! We had chosen a camo theme, so we made the windows match - though...we decorated at night and questioned if anyone else along our route knew what it was supposed to be...we knew, we loved it!  OH! I forgot - so, each of the 12 of us had 3 legs to run, so as we finished our leg, we would mark off our square. It seemed nearly impossible at the beginning, but when that last box got the "x" it was a feeling of accomplishment I'd never had for a race.

 So - I was the first runner. My first run was 8.7 miles, and was "very hard" per the people who determine difficulty. I was so nervous! A few nights before, my buddy hooked me up with some tunes so I could run to music - so with our 7am start, I was all dressed up in this gear I'd never run in - it was crazy. Once we started, I clicked my tunes on which were on SUPER high speed. My buddy and his wife assured me I would want more music that I thought  - who wants to be running and have their playlist start over!? Ugh...well, I was so glad because for whatever reason, my music player was running stuff at 1.5+ speed! Imaging Dance Monkey faster...I messed with it for the first mile or so, but I gave up after some time and resigned myself to the fact I was gonna have to listen to my tunes like Alvin and the Chipmunks speed.

I survived some crazy hills that never seemed to end. Right when I would want to be giving up - my beautiful team was there cheering me on! These women were my angels along the way - truly! The first time I saw them, I nearly cried. It was something that I needed right when I needed it.  They were there a few times along this first leg, all at the perfect times when I was questioning what I was doing.  Random side - I ran 2 minutes walked 1 most of the way (that's how I survived, figured you'd wanna know how this ordinary girl did this ;-)) When I finished my leg, after I handed off my bracelet, I cried. It was INSANE! I DID SOMETHING INSANE! This  - I hate running, you couldn't pay me to run - girl just went the furthest and fastest she'd ever had (minus 3 half marathons and a trail run...but those were a long time ago) It was AMAZING!...haha, but then I was so sore for an hour or so!

My second leg - it happened at night and was cool.  ALL 3 of my legs were considered "night runs" so I had to wear my stuffs the whole time. I didn't care, though. I LOVE running at night - in the stillness of everything.

Starting my second leg was so confusing - the transition was at a school but I didn't know where to go - it was crazy, but I figured it out. On this run, I saw a few dogs and a few kids gave me high fives, it was funny. It dawned on me after the fact, I was running right by my niece's - I text her dad when I figured it out and he said they saw people running while they were grocery shopping!

After my second leg -  we were so worried about the next runner, and by this time we'd established we'd text the other 5 in our van when we were at the 1 mile marker (MY FAVORITE SITE THIS RACE)...so, after we'd hobbled to the transition a few minutes after we got her text...we were waiting - we knew she was hurting, but were so confused when she wasn't there...got really concerned! The phone rings - she asks where we are...we're like....at the transition - where are you!? She responds at the transition....umm, what!?  AHH! WE WERE AT THE WRONG ONE!  Ugh - so everyone runs back to the van - I go as fast as I can....and then we ZOOM over to get her and drop off the next runner....yikes, it was crazy - but we got there and it all worked out...

Poor thing gets cramps - and I'd mentioned I forgot my pickles....so when she got leg cramps, I was wishing I had my pickles - it was this race when I realized us in the Spartan world do weird things that people in the running world don't do...mustard, yes - pickle juice? Apparently, that's a Spartan thing..bahaha.

Leg 3! Wahoo!  The whole time we were worried about stalkers, wildlife, and I forget the rest - having to go to the bathroom along the course....I got out of 2 of them...

A family of wild javelinas...I kid you not...they are there!

I wasn't feeling amazing at this point - we'd gotten a text to tell Runner 1 to be mindful of  the mile marker - and when I got there, my phone had no service, so I called my captain - who was also the next runner. I was making pretty good time - then I stopped....and my knee FREAKED out - I could hardly walk - I was so stoked because it was going to be my best leg, and I literally had to limp to "my" finish. We were in last place...and I felt awful...but - the women on my team were SO supportive and gave me nothing but love!

 This was the last transition - van one was DONE!!!  Being the first runner was a HUGE  blessing for the night runs, but it was so hard to wait for the birthday girl as our 12th runner cuz it seemed like forever!  This is an amazing group of women. I love them.

Because of the accident, my goal was to cross the finish line, and that I did!

 My favorite sign the whole time!

 I earned this baby!

 Together, we do amazing things.

Sparkle on.

PS - we had some amazingly strong runners - we didn't finish last :D

2020 Ragnar del Sol Background (part 1)

Ok - so...if you know me in the slightest, you probably had to do a double take on the title of this entry! Bahahahahahahaha! Amanda? RUN!? She HATES running! I was that girl in middle school that the PE teacher didn't like cuz she'd WALK the mile. I'm that girl on the OCR course that's walking and has NO problem with a long time cuz...I HATE running. Well, let's be real for a second - why does anyone ever actually detest anything?  I'm GOOD at drinking chocolate milk and eating Oreos...is that something I detest or enjoy? If you guessed enjoy - you nailed it!

So - here's how it went down...I had this friend who did the Ragnar trail races and said I could do the 2019 race with him if I "proved my worthiness" - well, through a sequence of unfortunate things, I didn't get to race ...k, I'm about being open and honest, so here's the gosh honest truth...I was carrying around a bit of bitterness and happened to be asked by a dear friend if I wanted to do this race with her. WITHOUT hesitation - YES! I would love to! Ba Bam, I just committed to doing the thing I least like doing on a consistent basis.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE racing - the feeling of accomplishment, bragging rights, perhaps inspiring someone who didn't think they could do it into even just contemplating trying something new and outside of their comfort zone - and the t-shirts and cool medals. As a "non-athlete" who always wanted to go out for sports but wasn't ever allowed, now in my 40s (gag) it's FINALLY my time to be able to do these things.  Starting new habits, though, is hard. No matter who you feel you have something to prove to or whatever - the main person you should prove ANYTHING to is yourself. Self? You never thought you'd be doing a road race, running even, let's see what you're made of!

So - the invitation was around Thanksgiving...so, I ran here and there...but nothing consistent. By the time Christmas was rolling around, I KNEW I had to get my act together because it wasn't the solo Spartan or mudrun I've done in the past - this time, I had a TEAM that I was running with. That was motivation enough for me...I think that's my biggest motivation: if someone is depending upon me to do something, I'll be the LAST person to let them down. So - I put together a training plan.

Ugh...I don't like the next part of what I'm about to say - so up to this point, I was running 2-3 times a week...throw in some crossfit here and there....well, New Year's Eve I had something happen by way of an accident which put me back on my training.  I wanted to run that day because it was a running day - but I was advised not to.  I'm glad, looking back - the adrenaline was still pumping through me, so I might have done more harm.

I was so bummed - at this point, my goal for my first Spartan this year (Chino) was just to finish - given my physical state, etc..hence why I wasn't super disappointed by the 4:30 finish time. (That's hours).

I text my team captain and told her what happened...I couldn't have been with a better group of ladies - honest!

So, I think I ran a couple short runs before the race ...so I was grateful for my training during the previous months, even though it was off and on - it really helped me!

Sparkle on.

Spartan Chino, CA

So, I'm about two hundred weeks behind on this race report!

This was the first Spartan of the season for me!  I was stoked to be able to take my racing season on the road and nervous at the same time! I'd only raced one venue up until this time - and that was AZ! I had NO idea what to expect.

 Along the course, I found a great duo of friends who where there running their first Spartan!  We chatted along the course and had a blast. I promised them I would stick with them the whole time, and I did.  We came upon an obstacle I hadn't seen before - a slip wall! Big aluminum thing...maybe a 45 degree angle with a rope to help you up. Well, it was ..awesome...not! I tried to get up the wall and at the top, I sliiiid down.  I decided to do what I tend to do - watch. So, I noted technique, etc....tried again. I slid down AGAIN! But, this time, I felt some heat in my hands.  I didn't think anything of it until I looked down - and then I saw the 4 tears/rips...OUCH!  I think my hands went into shock for a moment because I couldn't feel anything - at this point, I was repenting for any time I'd made fun of people for having gloves on the course.  I'd always been "Be tough - gotta do the course nekkid" - UNTIL my hands hurt so much I couldn't grasp things I took for granted....yeeeeooowzers!

When I looked forward to monkey bars because the coolness of the bars...you knew something was wrong!

 Regardless of my crazy, slow pace - one of my course mates actually got taken away by a medic, and a lovely Italian lady had some serious cramping towards the end of the course and all I understood was "pickle juice." K - side note - pickle juice is a real thing! Though my other racing non-Spartan friends thought it was nuts - I'm at home with my fellow Spartans and they totally get it.  It's a funky taste, and no - it's not green, but still vinegar-y and salty - and supposedly helps with the cramping. Never turn down a shot of pickle juice on the course!

I actually had a PR on the monkey bars! I usually drop after the first or second bar, this time I make it between the 6/7...or 5/6, I don't remember!

I think I finished this one in 4:30 ...so, it was slower than my first Super (which was my first Spartan ever  - back in 2018), but I took it easy and enjoyed the time.  I also had many many penalties to pay - I wasn't confident with doing burpees, so because I'm trying to make this year my best and progress - I did squats, sit ups, lunges - I think that was it this time.

I LOVE chocolate milk.  I have run the Cap City half marathon in Columbus, Ohio three times - the organic chocolate milk at the end of the course - AHH! BEST. EVER!

Sparkle on, my people, sparkle on!

Ft. McDowell, AZ Spartan

Greetings! I'm SOOO behind in reporting my journey, but I promise I've thought about this every day! Nothing like a Sunday afternoon to play catch-up.  I'm going to go in reverse order with my race reports!

Back on 15 Feb, it was time for Spartan, AZ.  I got to meet up with one of my friends who came down from Colorado!  She's stinking amazing! I partially blame her for signing up for as many races as I have this year. I remembered her racing agenda from last year and got caught up in the excitement..and found myself signed up for (or having paid for! 9 races - ack! Haha. But I'm grateful for my awesome racing buddy :D)

I get nervous before each race, and this one was no different. I get the nervous tummy, make sure I go to the bathroom right before I head into the chute and when we take off - it's no turning back!

I was SO proud of us - we jogged MOST of the way.  It's been about 5 weeks now, so I don't remember ALL of the details - Mt. Olympus - it can be done when you have some beautiful friends that support you and you become professional piggy back ride givers!  The rule with that obstacle? DON'T touch the ground!

There's an obstacle called the Z wall that's pretty simple - in theory! However, after attempting it 3-4 times - having not ever failed it before, I fell prey to the penalty area.  I have NO IDEA what happened, but I moved on.

The rope - still kicked my butt - BUT - FOR THE FIRST TIME, I completed the bender.  You're gonna have to do some crazy Googling for some of these - but this one I've NEVER done before. One of the crazy things about these OCRs - kind of like right now, you use whatever you can to get what you're aiming to accomplish, accomplished. I got to the top...and I got STUCK! Haha, nothing like making it up and not knowing how to let go, fearing falling, and trying to break your leg free and wrap your body, as it's woven in and out of metal bars a million feet up (ok, not a million, maybe 20!) Somehow, I wiggled and wriggled and my left leg out and flipped it over the top!
 (Not my photo, courtesy of the Google)

Another personal win was when I did something called the Beater - it starts with monkey bars, then goes into this weird twisting sort of thing...I'll leave you to your Googling with that one - but I was so excited because I actually made it to the first part of the twisting handle-things!

Close to the end was my demise - well, the part that I was fearing the WHOLE race - the aluminum slip wall that ripped apart my hands in California....I approached it with some trepidation, but for whatever reason!? it wasn't as slippery as it was in Chino?! And - up I went! I think when I got to the top I freaked out so I flopped and my racing friend helped me over - but I was STOKED cuz my hands were in tact!

Overall, it took us 3:16, so I knocked off an hour of my race time. We really wanted to do it under 3, but things happen. I'm SUPER proud of this time because it's my best super ever. EEEEHHHVEEER!

Sparkle on, my people. Sparkle on!